First of all, I want to say “hi” to a few new people subscribing to my blog during this half a year. It is my pleasure to see the notifications showing new interests in my imperfect writing, which is sometimes rather rambling.
Wow. So the last time I actually wrote on my blog was around New Year Holiday. Yup, honestly, I have learnt that maintaining a blog is harder than it seems, with all other things happening (or not even happening) outside of the blog world. I tend to sit down and type (or write, believe me, I do write on papers too) whenever I am urged to do so internally. But since 2017 started, that specific inner call has not appeared. And slowly by slowly, the inner call is unfortunately forced to be quiet, for months.
Now and then, when I take few minutes to slow down, I again realise another big portion of time has gone. As in this very moment of typing, only the thought of my last time typing here from 6 months ago scared the crap out of me. I was, then, rather ready to go in the year of 2017. Fancying about all the things might have happened. Wondering about what other things would have fallen through.
How has your 2017 been so far though?
For me, I cannot help feeling confused about where all the months have gone off to. I mean, there were events; there were University works ( a lot); there were parties with friends; there were new friendships formed, new bonds tightened; and there were plans planted. But when May arrived, yet I was startled by the fact that it was already the beginning of summer. Things began to shift again.
Perhaps, the reason every time we feel like time is flying is because we don’t seem to have enough time for all the joys. There is a saying for that, right? Or perhaps, we are greedy, we always want extra time in our sleeves to do extra things, despite what they can be. I thought I managed to do many in those months; while at the same time, I thought I was still a floating leaf on the surface of the sea.
But one thing to remember: time is relative after all. It is all in our head. It may be all in my head.
Any-who, many plans did fall through, and this summer, I stay put in the same city. I described myself in this blog as a mover for my love of freedom and independence. This year so far has, in a way, tied me down. It is just one of those times when grounding yourself is more realistic than constantly looking for chances to run away, to seek for new excitement. This year, adult life sort of gave me an awaken slap, having me learned about my own self inside out and being responsible. So I stayed, despite the fact that my “coreness” craves to be scratched sometimes.
Though, the city was my initial purpose to write today’s blog (I told you, I rambled). The city, Vaasa, is the second city I have lived in Finland. It will be soon a year since I first moved here. Contrasting to other European cities in summer, most of Finnish cities are quiet in such a season. So, instead of always searching for summer events or lying on the beaches or other energetic summer activities, my definition of Finnish summer involves thoughts and slow pace. Vaasa’s summer also involves seagull’s voices and the sound of strong wind pushing against the trees. Those have always been everything I hear every time I close my eyes, breathing in the nature here, with a thick watery favour in the air.
Since I moved here, few people asked me which city I preferred, Jyväskylä or Vaasa?
It is a difficult question to answer, I gotta tell you.
To me, they are so different to compare. I only know Vaasa captured my heart with the sea and its reflection onto the sky. I have rarely seen a more magnificent sky than the one here in Vaasa. It has my favourite colour – the colour of ambition and magic.
This city has given me the quietness and private space I need. My daily schedules in the winter here appeared to be not much different from other winters I stayed in Jyväskylä. I went to University for classes, stayed over time to do homework, sometimes socialised, sometimes went to exercise classes and always ended with a long to medium-long walk home in the coldness. However, this winter here was slightly better than the rest. Maybe Vaasa offered me more sunny days in those coldest months. Maybe also, the coldness this time had less of my own from inside.
Winter in Finland has usually had reasons to become hard time for me (besides the harsh weather, of course). The first winter, was my very first time to be far from home, and bury myself inside layers of clothes, layers of blankets. The second winter was for grief of something lost that I was never sure if I ever had it in the first place, or deserved to have it. And the winter of 2016 could be the winner in the competition of my down times.
But this winter, even though there were yet reasons upsetting me, I felt less heavy. I was recovering. I was trying to be better. This winter, I peeled almost every covers of my own thoughts so that I could study myself. Vaasa has been such a place for me to do so. I don’t really know whether it might simply be the new city with new environment, and not all these idealistic meanings I gave to the city. But in my good days here, I feel fresh. There was no past to be haunted by, no memories to be reminded. Well, okay, not yet.
However, when I left to Southern France, the city there was new to me too; yet the ghost from the past never dissolved. So, I guess, new place doesn’t always mean new fresh start. I think it comes from us, ourselves. The places with specific meanings we attach with, they may all be in our head. Again, it’s all relative, depending on which perspective we choose to look at it, right?
In some ways, I am quite grateful to stay in Vaasa this summer. The city deserved to be known a little more in the season of bright colours, ice cream and energy. When many of my plans to move abroad fell through, I surely was disappointed. Nevertheless, thanks to some outside advices, it has become not such a bad thing eventually. Some summers are meant to be fore adventures, some summers are better to be for thoughts and slow pace; and well, blogging.
Words, words, words 